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<\/a><\/p>\nDo you do self-sabotage? Imagine you\u2019re late for your party and all your guests are there waiting for you. Your phone is dead and you\u2019re in an unfamiliar place. You turned right onto a street hoping that it will take you to the restaurant. It\u2019s getting dark. You start to breath quickly. Your heartbeat quickens. Your palms are sweating on the steering wheel. You can hear a ringing starting in your ears. What if you don\u2019t make it there in time? Everyone will be disappointed and it\u2019s embarrassing for you. Maybe they don\u2019t even want to be your friends anymore. Your entire life will be ruined because you forgot to check a map before you left. Stop. Do you know a part of your brain is responsible for the anxiety and panic you\u2019re feeling right now? It\u2019s called your reptile brain. It\u2019s responsible for your basic instincts. It wants food, sex, and safety. It doesn\u2019t want you to take risks or do anything that\u2019s uncomfortable and it has allies. Your right prefrontal cortex is a part of your brain responsible for visualization. When those two parts of your brain team up, they make negative visualizations.<\/p>\n
The negative visualizations will often convince you not to take action because of bad things that could happen. You won\u2019t even know what you\u2019re missing out. You\u2019re missing out on financial opportunity, new friendships, relationships, experiences, and ideas. You\u2019re missing out on the beautiful, delicious and pleasant parts of life you don\u2019t even know to exist. It\u2019s all because the reptile brain is playing these little horror movies of what could happen if you take a risk. Your reptile brain is speaking. My friend Pam had a dog that had been beaten and burned with a lighter. That\u2019s how Pam found her. That\u2019s how they began together. In a lot of love and training, she made leaps and strides over the first few years. Until one day, she had a setback. Her worker was at the house across the street. His pickup truck backfired loud. Pam sprinted outside because the dog had been lounging on the front porch. She was nowhere to be found so Pam began running through our neighborhood. Pam didn\u2019t catch up to her until she was about a mile from her house. She was in a frenzied trance running for her life with no regard for anything around her.<\/p>\n
Pam shouted her dog\u2019s name. Hearing Pam\u2019s voice broke the trance, the dog stopped. She looked at Pam panting and terrified. As Pam ran to her, she could see her dog come back into herself. She was shaking. Pam didn\u2019t say, \u201cWhat the hell? You\u2019ve come so far. You keep getting triggered. What\u2019s up with that head of yours?\u201d This is what Pam did. With her arms tight around the dog, Pam said, \u201cYou\u2019re totally fine and you\u2019re totally safe. Let\u2019s go home and begin again.\u201d I remember this incident when I got a message from someone asking about intention. She wrote that she has a pattern of getting to a certain point in creating a vision and when things are going well, she\u2019ll find a way to mess it up. Her words, \u201cI sabotage my success,\u201d and it struck me.<\/p>\n
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<\/dt>\n<\/dl>\n- Self-Sabotage: Nothing is ever done until you decide that it\u2019s done.<\/strong><\/dd>\n<\/dl>\n
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Sabotage is one of those words that seem to come with its own military units and artillery. It is big and heavy. Sabotage says, \u201cDon\u2019t question me. I\u2019m scary.\u201d It can be a challenge to see clearly. On one level, I get the idea of messing things up right when they\u2019re going well and yet how scared you can feel when things are looking like they might be working. I get that being scared can make you go unconscious to escape the uncomfortable feeling of fear. Unconscious can equal anything from eating five pieces of cheesecake to endlessly scrolling through your Facebook feed to watching Netflix until 3:00 AM. I get that fear might make you do something dumb or something mean for a few months until you have alienated everyone. Until you find yourself back where you\u2019re comfortable in the land of things are awful and I\u2019m to blame, a pattern is just a pattern. You\u2019ve never done this before.<\/p>\n
The minute you realize you\u2019re not unconscious or when you catch yourself in the midst of a trance, what stops you from picking yourself up, looking around, dusting off, cleaning up,\u00a0putting down the cheesecake, apologizing with the stupid things you said and starting again? Let\u2019s be clear. That is the issue here and not the sabotage itself. Nothing is ever done until you decide it\u2019s done. We all do stupid things and mess up and go unconscious. In Buddhism, it has a name, unskillful. It simply means don\u2019t have the skillsets yet. As far as I know, someone once used a phrase, \u201cYou totally screwed that one up.\u201d The question is this, \u201cHow do you know you\u2019ve ruined everything?\u201d<\/p>\n
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<\/div>\n\nYou can never do anything new without making mistakes.<\/a><\/div>\nClick To Tweet<\/a><\/p>\n
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Sabotage requires you give in to the belief that all is lost. It\u2019s like you have your own entertainment industry executive in your head that says you, \u201cYou\u2019ll never work in this town again.\u201d The problem is not that he\u2019s there, the problem is your believing. Sabotage is a teacher. You can never do anything new without making mistakes. It\u2019s called learning, not sabotage. Part of that was to take the first few steps and falls and that\u2019s not saying, \u201cI sabotage myself.\u201d Instead, he keeps getting up and moving until he learns to walk. It\u2019s the same when you\u2019re learning to ride a bicycle. You keep falling off until you get it. If you really decide to learn trick riding, you start falling again. It\u2019s about how much you want to improve your skillsets and grow.<\/p>\n
If you think you have a knack for sabotage, then this pattern is the greatest teacher. It might be teaching you persistence or commitment. I\u2019ll be telling you, you\u2019re growing. One of my biggest secrets is when I\u2019m learning something new, I create a safe space for myself to make all the mistakes I need to learn and grow. It could be in the confines of a new class where everyone is a beginner or it could mean the privacy of my home. I could go to someplace where no one knows who I am so that when I screw up, they would say, \u201cCrazy stranger.\u201d You either beat yourself up in the confines of your mind when you think you have screwed up or some well-meaning person says that to you and you beat yourself up.<\/p>\n
The reality is, I\u2019ve never had a qualified expert come and tell me I screwed up because all of them have painted views. You will have the well-meaning by a relatively clueless individual who will provide you with unsolicited advice about how you screwed up. At regular intervals in my life, I learned something new. It could be a new business approach, a new martial art, or a new dance form. I gave myself permission to make mistakes and learn. I have been enriching my brain by creating new neural pathways. The key here is you can either sit back or say, \u201cLook how awful I am. I\u2019ve done it again,\u201d or you can say, \u201cI\u2019m learning to commit. Now is another day and with eyes wide open, I begin imperfectly.\u201d It will be painful. It will be uncomfortable. It will piss you off and it\u2019ll grow you in ways you can\u2019t imagine. I know from my own experience, it\u2019s challenging to have an emotional temperament and go for your dreams. It\u2019s much easier to sit back and say, \u201cIt\u2019s all too hard,\u201d or \u201cI\u2019m not cut out for this.\u201d When you start engaging, you only elongate the story and continue to trance. Instead, take steps and take them in openness and stop using the word sabotage.<\/p>\n
Be unbelievably kind to yourself. The opposite of the voices that say, \u201cAll is lost.\u201d It\u2019s reminding yourself that, \u201cAll has never been lost,\u201d and remembering how far you\u2019ve come in your process. Monitor how you talk to yourself. Stop and correct any negativity. It only serves to keep the path in our life. In your story, you have the opportunity to be the person who is kind and the one who pushes in knowing that you\u2019re never going to give up on yourself or your life. Whenever you shift into that unconscious mode, gently walk yourself back home and start from there. Do that for you constantly and then do it again. We\u2019ve spoken about how to declutter your life and how to be aware. This is putting it together so that you will never believe that you sabotage yourself ever again.<\/p>\n
One lucky audience that posts a review in\u00a0iTunes<\/a>\u00a0will win a private confidential consultation and coaching with me on discovering your soul\u2019s purpose. I will lead you in a personal journey to discover your unique mind-body psychosomatic map of your life. You will get a detailed report and a personal 45-minute consultation with me that\u2019s worth thousands. I\u2019m going to help you design a life that works so you\u2019re able to say yes to the things that matter and eliminate everything else that slows you down. The clearer you can be about how to organize your daily life to support your bigger vision, the more you step into your true potential, stay on track, and accomplish all that you want and deserve. Are you ready to make that happen? Feel free to reach out to me to ask your questions at\u00a0AskDrSun.com<\/a>. Your life is a gift, design it. Do what matters and join me each episode as we get closer to designing the life of your dreams. Join me next time on Your Life By Design.<\/p>\n
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